Felix Ever After
by Kacen Callender
Publisher-Recommended Age: 14 years and up
Library section: Young Adult Fiction (13 years and up)
Felix Love has never been in love—and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many—Black, queer, and transgender—to ever get his own happily-ever-after.
When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages—after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned—Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi–love triangle….
But as he navigates his complicated feelings, Felix begins a journey of questioning and self-discovery that helps redefine his most important relationship: how he feels about himself.
P. 255 “I lean in this time, and he puts a hand to my face, the other to the back of my neck, and I push my mouth against his, so hard my tooth grazes against his bottom lip. He pulls back an inch. “Softer,” he murmurs. I nod, mumbling an apology, pulling him back to me again. All I can feel are his lips, his hand under my shirt, on my legs, up and down my back. Somehow, I ended up on his lap, legs on either side of him, and I can feel him, feel his hard-on, which both scares the shit out of me and sends a thrill through me as I press against him, tugging at his shirt-He pulls back. I try to follow his mouth with my own, but he pulls back again.
…My eyes automatically glance back down to Ezra’s lap, where I was just seconds ago, and where a bulge still very obviously still presses up against his jeans. He’s embarrassed too- I can tell by the way he won’t look at me as he tries to tug his shirt down.”
P 309: I remember what Ezra had said- soft, gentle, not so hard- and I barely breathe against Declan’s lips. He grins at me as I kiss him again, and again, until we’re leaning back onto the bed. Declan ends up on top of me, pulling our shirts off, mouth on my neck, my collarbone, my scars. I didn’t even go this far with Ezra, and my nerves start to pump.
“Slowly,” I tell him, embarrassed when it comes out like a gasp. “We should go more slowly.” He nods, kissing my scars and neck and mouth again. “Is this your first time?”
“My first time?”
“Having sex.”
…”I mean, yea, I’ve never…” He nods again like it isn’t a big deal, but I start to worry. “Have you? Had sex, I mean?”
He pulls up, surprised. “Well, yeah. Me and Ezra…” I look away. “Right.”
…”I just don’t think I’m ready,” I tell him. It’s only been a few days since my first kiss.
…He sits up, crosses his legs. “Are you nervous because- I mean, I looked up how to have sex with trans guys-“